Passing in the night

The cool glass presses against my back as I wait. The cab dropped me off into the hot languid night too early, now just to wait. The throngs of people rush by me, I scan the crowd. A face stands out, our eyes meet. The distance between us closes, surprise and curiosity meet my steady gaze. Light banter is exchanged, queries are answered, and farewells are said. Our ways part and again I wait.

Why fight?

Why fight? A better question would be "Why live?".

Not talking about fisticuffs, talking about life in general.

It's not about winning or losing, it's about having tried. It's about standing up for what you want and those you care about. It's about not choosing the easy path. It's about passion, pain, joy, and in the end it's about life.

If you're not willing to fight, are you alive?

Can't sleep...

I lay in bed, the night beckoning me with the promise of repose. My mind races with the thoughts of the day, the harsh red LED of my clock displays 10:30. I close my eyes and try to quell the flow of thoughts to no avail. Words and images flash across the back of my eyelids. I toss and turn trying to find a comfortable position, with a sigh I get up and have a drink of water.
Returning to the my bed, scarlet numbers glare at me 02:00. I try again to slumber, almost immediately my mind is flooded. Guess there is no choice, time to try the place. Under the accusing 04:00 I create the flame in my mind, and let it all burn away. With all the thoughts gone and the flame extinguished I start to fade. The world becomes soft and begins to s.l..i...p a...w.a....y....


CRACK!!!


The world snaps into sharp focus, every sense dials in at the sudden sound. Muscles tense and prepare to move. The glue holding one of my mounted photos to the wall has let go allowing a Hong Kong Skyscraper to crash into my floor. 04:15 dances before me mockingly. The rest of the night passes in reverie. Never fully asleep and not quite awake, the false sleep of wakefulness.
The blaring crescendo of my alarm clock is no surprise, 0600 beams at me triumphant. It's gonna be a long Monday.

Trust

Some things came to light this weekend, they dealt directly with a situation that has caused me much confusion and more than a little bit of hurt. Managed to reopen some things I thought I was over. Seems that a lot could have been avoided if outside parties had simply either kept their advise to themselves, or said you two need to talk and come to an understanding. Some of the people I trusted gave advise one way, and then told me the opposite or played dumb when dealing with me. This actually hits harder than the actual situation.
When I call someone a friend, that is someone I put my trust into. I know many people but only consider a very few friends, these are the people I love like brothers and sisters. That none of the folks involved played me straight on this, kinda leave me floored. Things done with "the best intentions" often fall short of the mark.

The place

I stand knees slightly inward, head and shoulders slightly back, arms raised in front of me, hands unclenched and fingers at my target. My mind is teaming with unnecessary thoughts, so I build a fire.
All anger goes into it, all fear, all longing, all sadness, all happiness, all emotions burn away. Next comes the issues of the day, all the issues from work, her eyes, it all burns away. Everything I am burns away, leaving nothing but the fire and with out fuel it goes out. This is the place.
Senses expand and the world slows down, the guys across the gym play basketball in slow motion. Finally I move, the heavy bag jerks from the impacts. Every bead of sweat is felt, the heart races to keep up with the demand. I hear the hushed whispers as the basket ball players stop to watch. The cycle continues, formlessness is given form, every breath is measured, every movement precise, nothing is wasted.
Finally it ends, and I leave the place. The world rushes in and fills the void. I feel everything again, but it doesn't seem as important. My body aches, and all I can do is smile. It's been a long time since I came here, and I have missed it.

Saying Hello....

I received the call this morning, I've been waiting on it the last couple days. Waking from a dead sleep, I look at the phone and grin.

7.4 pounds 19 inches long, little round face and already some dark hair.

Welcome to the world Abigail Elizabeth, you have an uncle who loves you.

Saying goodbye....

Said goodbye to a friend last night. She is leaving the country to pursue a better life. Quite a bittersweet evening, laughs and smiles that never quite reach the eyes. Promises to visit that ring hollow were exchanged. After all is said and done farewell is said and the lingering emptiness is left.

Pirate time!!

I think in their hearts everyone, no matter how prim and proper, dreams of being a pirate.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. -Henry Louis Mencken

Even pirates, before they attack another ship, hoist a black flag. -Bela Kiraly

Life's pretty good, and why wouldn't it be? I'm a pirate, after all. -Johnny Depp

There is more treasure in books than in all the pirate's loot on Treasure Island and at the bottom of the Spanish Main... and best of all, you can enjoy these riches every day of your life. -Walt Disney (not a true pirate quote, but one I like none the less)

The average man will bristle if you say his father was dishonest, but he will brag a little if he discovers that his great-grandfather was a pirate. -Bern Williams

Where there is a sea there are pirates. -Greek proverb

Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates. -Mark Twain

It is when pirates count their booty that they become mere thieves. -William Bolitho



Quotes from Thinkexist.com

New neice on the way!!!

Got the message from my sister that in the next couple days I'm gonna have a new neice!! So I am a quite anxious at the moment.

Deja Vu

I've had it pretty much all my life. See and do things in a dream, then later down the road have these things happen. It happens randomly, and most of the time I don't remember the dream till I'm in the situation. Saturday this happened again, it was almost like the night was scripted. A very odd feeling. How come this can never happen with Lotto numbers?

I've never.....

Introduced to a fun little drinking game last night, called "I've never". Basically you go around the group and say "I've never (insert some act here)" if some one in the group has done that, they drink.

Figured that would be a good topic for today......

Ive never:

Been to all 7 continents (been to 6, but Antarctica still eludes me)

Parachuted (not that fond of planes, so jumping out of one is not really me)

Been married (been engaged, but never gone all the way)

Been arrested

Seen my grandparents naked (most people reading this right now just had a very bad mental image that is going to haunt them)

Needed a safety word (they are for wusses anyway)

Defused a bomb at the last second, saving the day (my first response to a bomb is to get away quickly)

Just a couple things I've never done.

Fair winds and following seas.....

Memorial day, this is when we honor those Americans who have given all so that their countrymen can be free. I'm not one to spin pretty words, so I'm gonna keep it simple. Brothers and sisters, the debt we owe you is beyond measure. Fair winds and following seas.

Tempus fugit

Another weekend down, August looms before me. Seems that the last few months have flown by. Coming up on a point where many of my friends will be leaving and returning to their home countries. I am also waiting to see if I will be staying here (stupid contract negotiations), if I don't hear something soon back to the US for me. How can a day pass so slow, and a month go by in the blink of an eye?

A drama free night

Had a good relaxing evening last night. A little wine and cheese, a charming friend, and some Guy Ritchie films. All in all a nice drama free night.

Chasing the ghost

Spent a large portion of last night trying to help a friend, so am quite tired at the moment.

My friend is quite literally stressing herself sick over a relationship that may or may not exist. Smart thing to do would be call the other person (face to face would be better, but time zone and location are factors here) and ask them what is going on, get the answer you need and move one way or the other.

Being that this is a matter of the heart, the smart thing is probably not going to come into play. Fear of rejection keeps the call from happening, but then anxiety about what is happening eats away at her. Not the best of situations.

To my point of view she has three options:
1. Make the call, have the talk and move on.
2. Say enough is enough, put a stop to it and move on.
3. Stay where you are and keep beating yourself up with worry.

It weighs on me to see a friend going through this sort of thing. Not too much of a way to help, save listening and offering advise when they ask (only when they ask, very important that). The only way things are going to improve is to move forward, one way or the other. Good or bad you can not keep chasing the ghost.

Not exactly upbeat, but I like it.

"Call Me When You're Sober" -Evanescence

Don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

Should I let you fall?
Lose it all?
So maybe you can remember yourself.
Can't keep believing,
We're only deceiving ourselves .
And I'm sick of the lie,
And you're too late.

Don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

Couldn't take the blame.
Sick with shame.
Must be exhausting to lose your own game.
Selfishly hated,
No wonder you're jaded.
You can't play the victim this time,
And you're too late.

Don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

You never call me when you're sober.
You only want it cause it's over,
It's over.

How could I have burned paradise?
How could I - you were never mine.

So don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
Don't lie to me,
Just get your things.
I've made up your mind.

Interesting conversation snippits from the pub

My friend who shat in a pint glass once ... (any story that starts with these words is gonna be good)

I wish my mom was that easy....

Would you like to see my Clock ring?

Piss off ya scunner!

What does "sod off" mean? (always funny when an insult is lost in translation)

OK, the politics talk stops or I drop my pants! (said by me, and followed through with)

Give it up man, quit waiting for her to walk in. She blew you off again. (said to me)

Oh the humanity!!!!

Torture, a very scary word. Brings to mind images of racks, red hot irons, and large men in black hoods. At Guantanamo Bay it apparently means something completely different.

Now I am not one to suggest that prisoners be treated badly in way, but come on.
No scented deodorant and shampoo, the cleaners leaving marks on the walls, and a ball that "hardly" bounced. Sounds like a cheap motel rather than a prison.

So what would you say to conditions where you slept in a "coffin locker (1,2)" stacked three high and shared your room with around 100 other people? Where you rarely see the light of day for months at a time? Where not only do you have no ball, you have no place to use it? These are the conditions that the men and women of the US Navy live in every day. I spent 5 Med cruises, and 1 West PAC (not to mention the work ups and other miscellaneous exercises) living like this (roughly 5 years). Not once did I whine about deodorant being unscented, so forgive me if scoff at this.

Photos from What's in Scott's head?

Only human....

It is always a shock when someone who you respect proves to be just as human as you. Is there anything as disheartening as watching a pedestal crumble? Can you look at that person in the same light ever again? What do you do if you are the person on the pedestal, and you are suddenly only human?

Changing the world

Had a friend of mine ask me this weekend, how she could change the world. Being one for extrospection (and introspection, I like spection in general) this got me pondering. How does one person change the world?

Passion , lasting change does not come to the apathetic.
Patience, lasting change does not come quickly.
Dedication, lasting change does not come easy.
Sacrifice, lasting change does not come cheaply.
Strength, lasting change does not come without work.

These are things I feel are needed in a person to change the world. How they use these traits are just as important as having them. From what I have seen,

The least effective burn with too much passion, they force their views down the throats of everyone around them. The with us or against us ideals, no compromise. Right here right now, everything or nothing. They force change.

The middling will listen to compromise, and try to lead from the front and coax people to come to their side. They teach change.

The truly effective, see the world as it should be and live their lives accordingly. Others see this and instinctively follow suit. Thus the change comes with out being realized. They are change.