Angels, Demons, and Addiction

"To know ones self is knowledge,
To know knowledge is enlightenment,
To know when you've had enough is enough,
You will have enough."

This is a mantra that I was taught over a decade ago, by one of my first martial arts teachers. It is a basic truth, You have to know yourself and your limitations. I've been noticing that the last couple months, I have not known who it was walking in my shoes and speaking with my voice or acting in my guise. I did not even notice the stranger until a friend (ironically enough, a sympathetic bartender) asked me what was going on and why the change.

In the few months there has been a rage in my eyes, that he had never seen before, and an aggressiveness to my body language and actions. This has caused me to take a step back and look at myself, I'm an addict. Not to any drug, but to certain people. When I am with them the world is great. If their attention is diverted to someone else then the aggression comes on strong. When they are not there, withdraw.

Remember in cartoons, the little angel and devil that would appear on people's shoulders? Well little bit of that adding things to the mix. Certain friends try to guide me one way or the other. Angels who see it coming and try to cheer me up, and Demons who try to bring it out.

Time to step back, and get back to being me.

Writing way more melodramatic than it really is. Gah, rereading this sounds like I'm turning into emo-boy (wonder if that comes with a cape). Must fight the urge to listen to the Cure and dress in black.